I was sitting in front of the fireplace in my hound’s tooth smoking jacket the other evening, enjoying a salty dog cocktail.
The book I was reading had already been read so many times that the pages were all dog-eared. Rather than continue drinking and possibly then require some hair of the dog, I picked up a copy of the Las Vegas Canine Enspirer to see if there were any movies I might be interested in seeing.
It suddenly occurred to me that with the passing of both Mr. Siskel and Mr. Ebert, movie fans were on their own. No longer was there anyone suggesting or catiquing films.
Outside it was raining cats and dogs, and I really didn’t feel like venturing out. I thought, why not pass the time by coming up with a list of good movies for dogs. I could call it “Bruin Picks the Flicks.”
My rating system:
A real tail wagger
Pretty doggone good
Plot needs rescuing
Not much of a tail
Below is a list of some movies I have seen over the years. If you have a bone of contention with any I have either included or excluded, or perhaps you think I am barking up the wrong tree, please do let me know.
West Side Story starring Natalie Woof: Two gangs try to mark each others’ territory.
Lord of the Fleas starring Mutt Damon: Frontline battle with Mutt having the Advantage over a miniscule army.
World War D starring Brad Pitbull: Zombies attack civilization with one bite causing extreme intestinal distress requiring the use of Pupto Bismol.
Hairy Potter starring Spaniel Radcliffe: Puppy attends Obedience School to learn the art of Wizardry.
My Left Paw starring Spaniel Day Lewis: Cocker overcomes challenges of birth disability.
The Dogfather starring Al Poochino, James Cairn and Marlon Borzoi: A litter of Italian Greyhounds and their leader obtain control over the mafia.
Gooddoggies starring Pawbert DeNiro, Joe Poochie and Shar Pei Liotta:Angry group of mutts struggle to rise to the top of pack.
Bone with the Wind starring Bark Gable: Hurricane causes bone to blow away on a southern plantation, with Scarlett and Rhett in hot pursuit.
Lassie Gets Lucky starring Collie Berry: A coming of age romance.
Hound of Music starring Julie Andchews: Von Schnauzer family gets new governess to attend to their litter.
In Heat starring Sandra Bulldog: The misadventures of two members of a K-9 troop.
The Lining starring Jack Russell Nicolson: Blankets start disappearing from a haunted kennel.
Legally Blonde starring Fleas Witherspoon: Yellow Lab has run-in with police because they don’t recognize her even though her name is on her collar.
Doghouse Down starring Jamie Foxx Terrier: Secret Service dog protects President of AKC.
Johnny Belinda starring Jane Weimaraner: A deaf and mute girl is attacked by a wild animal.
Jingo Unchained starring Litterado Di Caprio and Jamie Foxx Terrier: Puppy escapes his restraints and broadens his horizons.
On the Waterfront starring Eva Marie St. Bernard and Dog Steiger: Finnish Spitz gets into a fight with Jerry Springer Spaniel for control of the waterfront union.
Anna Nicole Tops It Off starring Collie Golightly: A Flat Coated Retriever hooks up with an older stud in hopes of getting implants.
Tarzan starring Rex Barker: A swinger meets his Great Jane.
Corgi and Bassenji starring Dorothy Dandi Dinmont and Sidney Pointer: Prowling the alleys of Catfish Row in search of Paula Deen’s recipe.
And since I have very eclectic taste:
Phone Booth starring Colin Feral: An Irish Wolfhound gets cornered in a phone booth by an attractive cougar.
Cat on a Hot Tin Roof starring Whiz Taylor and Pawl Newman: Voluptuous female tries to entice handsome Jaguar by proving she’s the cat’s meow.
Copycat starring Saluki Weaver: An agoraphobic writer on a short leash is stalked by a series’ stealer.
Not that I’m a publicity hound or anything, but if you’ve discovered anything of value here, look for my pupcoming attractions on book and music reviews.
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